The need for sensitivity when interacting with people living with disabilities
by Anne Lavallee and S N Smith — July 18, 2025
Whereas July is Disability Pride Month, we wish to briefly discuss the need for sensitivity when interacting with people living with disabilities.
We would be remiss if we did not mention at the onset that both of us are long time members of the Muslim community and our faith shapes our values concerning the issues discussed below. Compassion, empathy, inclusiveness, respecting and acknowledging the feelings of others, as well as exhibiting care and genuine concern for the most vulnerable members of society are embedded within the teachings of the Islamic faith.
Sadly, and most disappointedly, we see little of this being practiced or even addressed in Mosques and Islamic organizations and this issue, for the most part, remains on the fringes of Islamic discourse. We feel this is a mistake and needs to be rectified because many community members who live with disabilities are feeling ignored, disrespected and left out in the cold to fend for themselves with little or no community support.
The first question we need to answer is why is this topic important to begin with? It is important because people living with disabilities want to be included, acknowledged and respected as members of the human family and made to feel that their lives matter instead of being rendered invisible and isolated.
Sadly, there are many examples of insensitive actions or words that people exhibit towards people who live with disabilities. Sometimes it is mean-spiritedness, but most of the time it is due to well-meaning people simply being unaware of the harm and hurt they are inflicting. People are also negatively influenced by how disabilities are addressed or presented in the wider society. This is why we feel education regarding this matter is essential.
With this being said, we argue that there is a dire need for more inclusive and respectful language when addressing or talking about people who live with disabilities, especially within our faith community. The words that we use to describe something will shape our understanding of that thing. Words possess the ability to both distort and enlighten. Words can also hurt and heal and the better path is to utter that which will give ease and comfort to those facing challenges in life. That is why words matter and should be selected carefully.
It should be kept in mind that not all disabilities are visible and that a person may appear to be perfectly healthy to those around them. So it is important to possess a working knowledge of invisible disabilities. With this in mind, we invite readers to read the article What is an invisible disability? before proceeding any further.
In addition, please read the article Hidden Disabilities which provides several examples of disabilities that are not always seen by the outside world, and yet those who live with these types of disabilities encounter very unique challenges in life.
Readers should also keep in mind that many mental health conditions constitute a disability, especially when they affect a person's emotional, psychological, or mental well-being, significantly impacting their daily activities. This can encompass a range of conditions, including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other mental health challenges. These conditions can vary in severity and duration, and may be temporary, sporadic, or permanent.
When preparing this article I (Anne) prepared this list regarding interacting with people living with a disability:
- There’s one thing we should address right away—we need to stop using the word “handicapped.” This word bothers me a lot. Even people who work on the regular with people with disabilities use it and it needs to stop. It is, in my opinion as someone who lives with a disability, a disrespectful term
-Don’t assume you know what we were capable of or not capable of. It is ok to ask.
-We like to be included in conversations, As someone with a speech impairment, I experience that a lot and it can be very hurtful and demoralizing. I may talk slower but I understand and want to be included. If you cannot understand what I say it is ok to ask me to repeat myself. Finishing my sentences for me is hurtful and offensive. Allow me time to respond and avoid interrupting. Be patient.
- When communicating with a person with a disability, address them directly when asking a question and not to person they are with. You should assume they understand what you are saying unless you are told otherwise.
- Also, it is nice to be invited to gatherings even if attendance is not possible. The invitation means that we are not forgotten.
-When you visit, ask if the person needs anything done. Don’t wait for the person to ask. I think people want to help but they don’t know how but they don’t ask. Offer your time. Grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, changing a lightbulb, etc., things maybe we can’t do but we don’t ask for help because we don’t want to be a burden. Doing this can help build relationships and meaningful connections.
-My wheelchair is like my legs and using it in anyway without asking first is not ok. Pushing it, leaning on it, putting things on handles or any bags you may have on it is not acceptable. This also includes canes or walkers. A person is a person, not a piece of equipment.
- Having a disability can be very isolating and lonely so check in on a person occasionally. Like anyone else, we also crave human interaction and adult conversations.
- Many forget that a person living with a disability is a person first and should not be defined solely by their disability. Sometimes culture / society may teach us different and it is important to unlearn these various set of assumptions.
- Don’t say to someone living with a disability that things could be worse. I already know that. You probably wouldn’t say that to an able-body person. Such a statement is insensitive.
-Asking a person with a disability when they will get better or telling them they will be better soon I find to be very insensitive.
- No two people are able to do exactly the same things in exactly the same ways. Some people can sing. Some people can solve a Rubik’s cube in sixty seconds. Some people can cook. Some people can contort like a pretzel. Technically, people with disabilities aren't the only ones who are differently abled. We all are. I had others try to compare my abilities to others, and that was very offensive and demeaning.
- The way people who have a disability talk about their disability is their choice, and I cannot stress this point enough. We all need to respect these choices.
- Mosques need to be accessible. An able-bodied person can’t judge if it is accessible or not. At my local mosque the doors are wide enough for my wheelchair but there no accessible bottom thus I can’t get in unless I have assistance. We shouldn’t be excluded from our places of worship nor should they be made difficult and challenging to enter.
In addition to the above points, it is important when offering assistance to always ask before offering help. Don't assume someone needs or wants assistance before asking. No one wants to feel forced to do or accept something against their will.
Respect their preferences. If they decline your offer don't insist or be pushy as that can be very offensive.
Let the person with the disability guide you. If they accept help, follow their lead on how to assist them. They know better what they need and want than you do. Listen.
Try to be as mindful as possible of your body language and don't stare or make the person with the disability feel uncomfortable.
Also, Be aware of the tone of your speech when addressing someone with a disability. Avoid patronizing or condescending language. And if you are called out, don’t get defensive.
Don't make assumptions about a person’s abilities. People with disabilities are diverse and have varying needs. There is not a one size fits all approach.
People living with disabilities are individuals first and foremost and want to be treated with respect and dignity.
And finally, and this cannot be stressed enough, focus on the person and not the disability. Treat them as you would anyone else. The Golden Rule applies here, which is treating others as you would want to be treated.
We highly recommend the book “Demystifying Disability: What to Know, What to Say, and How to Be an Ally” by disability rights activist, writer, and speaker Emily Ladau. In her book Ladau promotes the need for people with disabilities to be included in the fabric of society. Although this statement may seem obvious, Ladau offers numerous examples of the ways in which people living with disabilities encounter exclusion.
Caitlin Meredith offers a good review of Ladau’s book here.
We also recommend the book "The Anti-Ableist Manifesto : Smashing Stereotypes, Forging Change, and Building a Disability-Inclusive World" by Tiffany Yu, Founder of advocacy organization Diversability and creator of the viral Anti-Ableism Series on TikTok. The book is an excellent resource for understanding and dismantling ableism.
In addition, from an Islamic perspective we recommend the lecture “The Rights of Those with Disabilities” by Dr. Omar Suleiman.
Also, take a look at the article “Re-thinking Disability in Islam” by Sya Taha in which she makes some really excellent points.
We also wish to acknowledge the work of Deen Support Services which focuses on helping Muslim living with disabilities. Sadly, the organization is chronically under-funded. Please consider donating to this registered charity as they do excellent work despite their shoestring budget.
By no means is this article exhaustive and it is hoped this will open up a wider discussion on this topic, especially within our faith community where we feel much more work can be done.
We highly recommend that our places of worship host workshops to sensitize community members regarding this important topic so that it emerges from the fringes of Islamic discourse and takes the prominent position in our thinking and actions that it deserves. First and foremost, our religious scholars and Imams should take the lead on this, but if they are unable to do that then you, dear reader, should start the important work and not wait for others to do it.
If we insist on perfection in all that we do we will never accomplish anything and easily get discouraged and quit. It is better to acknowledge our shortcomings and strive to do better and not allow our failures to overwhelm us.
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Anne Lavallee is the author of the children’s book Abby and Amina. You can read her story here. She plans to publish more children’s books.
S N Smith writes from Ottawa and maintains a substack account here. He can be reached at: shawnsmith1964@gmail.com